Good For You

I learned a great relationship "tool" at a work conference, and it has been useful to Adam and I, as well as many friends whom I've shared it with - it's a simple question to ask your spouse/significant other. It provides insight into what's bothering your spouse, and what makes your spouse happy...here it is:

1. Ask, "What is one thing I do that harms our relationship?"

2. Wait for your spouse to answer...listen to his response, and do NOT argue. Let him talk. He may only say ONE answer - not more - his answer should be fairly concise.

3. Wait 30 seconds - think about what your spouse has told you. Then, respond with "Thank you" in a pleasant voice (not an annoyed or angry voice.) Don't ask questions, don't ask for clarification, and don't argue/defend yourself. Just take it in.

Now, switch roles...do the same thing.

4. Next, ask each other this question, in the same manner: "What is one thing I do that is good for our relationship?" Answer each other with a "Thank you" as you did previously.

Adam and I have done this periodically, and it is so good - it's simple, yet it allows us to see what we are doing that is frustrating, and what we are doing that is positive. It's not giving a list of frustrations, and it's done in a calm way...very useful and eye-opening. Something to try!